8. On fattebaaz

Some people in an organization survive (they are unable to flourish because they are always busy in ‘just’ surviving) because they are good at pointing errors of others. This is a useful function only in one case when they are “really” working and adding to the organization. A man can point fingers at other only when he himself has fingers. Those who don’t really work have the following properties:
1. They are very concerned about who is working what, and what others are up to. They are always talking with the heads about others’ ‘lack of’ performances. Criticizing is good, but they never praise others. This is the key point of distinction.
2. They make a big show of whatever ‘small/big’ contribution they are making.
3. They waste more resources of the organization than they need to because they think (they really believe) that they are working! They deserve everything they have, and they actually have less than they deserve in their opinion.
4. They take credit for things that others have done, because they are aware of their lack of potential. They use big words very easily and they know what to say when.
5. They always appear busy.
6. They spread rumors about others and make a big fuss about a certain individual’s weaknesses they are attacking.
7. Most importantly: they do nothing, because they seem to be doing everything. They do everything which actually means nothing. They are the head of the organization and the peon and the accountant and manager, and caretaker of building and sweeper and mechanic, they are everywhere and they are nowhere. That’s why they are friends with everyone.
8. And yet they do nothing, they do these different things only in the presence of the head, rest of the time they are lounging with a crease of tension on their foreheads which to others appear as if they are great philosophers and poets, but in actuality they are planning which dice to throw next.
9. Any organization which keeps such individuals for long with it is going to die, because
– others look at them and do not feel like working.
– such individuals create an atmosphere of negativity, breed tensions and its leads to a lack of coordination
– I like to call such individuals ‘fattebaaz’.
– Everyone dislikes a fattebaaz. But no one wants to confront him, because (since they spend all of their time in plotting and planning) anyone who confronts him is bound to suffer. No one wants to confront him also because most of us love peace.

10. If a fattebaaz is not taken care of, then everyone ends up becoming a fattebaaz in the long run.

7. On parents and marriage

1. It is a very topical issue. Not many people go through it.

2. The narrative is very personal. Maybe, it applies to me only.

3. I have a political interest in making it public.

4. Can parents know what is right for their child, if they have no idea who their child is? My parents have no idea who I am. As soon as they come to know an aspect of mine, that aspect gets spoiled beyond repair. That is why I have always been secretive to them, and it is now a habit in front of everyone.

5. Do parents have a right to impose their will on their children? If someone tells me they brought me up… and did sacrifices for me, I want to ask: “Did they do it for me?” I have never seen a parent doing something for her child. Everything she does is for herself… to satiate that very passionate (and mind it, sexual/biological) drive of keeping a specie alive. Parenthood is not gender. It does not come from gender. It is purely biological. I have an over protective biological father. I carry a lot of genes from him, so I already know I am going to be an over protective father.

6. My concern for my parents is not there because they are my parents. But because they have been around me a lot. A child’s love for her parents is not biological. It is social and individual. But I don’t love my parents, I just care for them. They are good people, but they have done me bad, and I don’t love them for it. My love was killed by their actions by many incidents that no one will ever know because I want to respect their privacy. I am unable to feel love for them. Simple. Can someone convince me against it with arguments? NO.

7. An overprotective father who meddles too much in your life is not worthy of being called a father. Only ‘biological father’. I do not want to marry ever. It is my choice taken after a lot of consideration and thought. Can someone convince me that I should listen to my parents and do it?

8. I have no ideological or moral issues against marriage. I just don’t want to do it. Can someone convince me? NO. Perhaps a girl who loves me so much that… I am forced by her love to marry her… No one else… And she will have to understand that she can’t expect me feel love for my parents. And anything they say about me will mean nothing, because they have no idea who I am. And it had always been like that.

9. Am I wrong? Perhaps. But can’t I be wrong?

46) On shapes of clouds

The shapes these clouds of mountains make
And the shapes the hearts
Of people in love
With me and I am in love with
Are similar.

(1800, kangra, 24/02/18 enroute Delhi)

45) Sun

This is my poem. I WRITE
to this lost world.
In the roads to infinity.
Roads less traveled maybe. But
Roads. Definitely.

I don’t seek infinity I am
Happy being a finite
Miniscule meaningless
And forever alive particle. Of fire.
Burning every new second
Milli micro nano. Second.
I burn. And infinite
Is for the gods who created sun. I am

(23:40 18/02/18)

6. Why live in fear?

Some of the most beautiful souls I have met in my life have spent a major crunch of their lives pandering to people who eventually died in their lives because even while they were with them, they knew that the relationship won’t run for long, and it was just a contractual kind of relationship in which the moments shared don’t matter much. And also, these beautiful souls DID NOT choose to live their lives with people they really wanted to because they were being manipulated by those “bad” persons. (I am calling them “bad” not because they are inherently bad, but because they were harmful)

And I have always wanted to ask them: Why?

Of course, for last three articles, I have been trying to understand one special point and that is: interpersonal relationships. And somehow I have realized that even though people don’t mean to, but they give more value to those people who are “useful” in their lives. Why?

Why can’t we be free of this utilitarian mindset, and live our life with the people we want to live with, share our moments we want to share with, and be free, open, extremely independent regarding our taste and preferences… and just LIVE the way we want to live?

I am still searching for the answer. And yet, I can easily claim that I never “use” people… (and perhaps that is why people are so insecure. They feel perturbed when they realize that they are not being used!) and I live with people who matter most to me, even though I am not DIRECTLY sharing memories with them… but I always feel that I am living an authentic life… and others who are more normal, and who “WASTE” their lives pandering to fear and utilitarianism and giving into the bullshit of other people who actually don’t matter to them… are leading lives that are less authentic.

Am I right?

I don’t think anyone can explain me, because even if it is painful at times, but absent memories with those I care and love are more important to me that the present memories with snaps of people that have come and gone…


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