6. Why live in fear?

Some of the most beautiful souls I have met in my life have spent a major crunch of their lives pandering to people who eventually died in their lives because even while they were with them, they knew that the relationship won’t run for long, and it was just a contractual kind of relationship in which the moments shared don’t matter much. And also, these beautiful souls DID NOT choose to live their lives with people they really wanted to because they were being manipulated by those “bad” persons. (I am calling them “bad” not because they are inherently bad, but because they were harmful)

And I have always wanted to ask them: Why?

Of course, for last three articles, I have been trying to understand one special point and that is: interpersonal relationships. And somehow I have realized that even though people don’t mean to, but they give more value to those people who are “useful” in their lives. Why?

Why can’t we be free of this utilitarian mindset, and live our life with the people we want to live with, share our moments we want to share with, and be free, open, extremely independent regarding our taste and preferences… and just LIVE the way we want to live?

I am still searching for the answer. And yet, I can easily claim that I never “use” people… (and perhaps that is why people are so insecure. They feel perturbed when they realize that they are not being used!) and I live with people who matter most to me, even though I am not DIRECTLY sharing memories with them… but I always feel that I am living an authentic life… and others who are more normal, and who “WASTE” their lives pandering to fear and utilitarianism and giving into the bullshit of other people who actually don’t matter to them… are leading lives that are less authentic.

Am I right?

I don’t think anyone can explain me, because even if it is painful at times, but absent memories with those I care and love are more important to me that the present memories with snaps of people that have come and gone…

(17/02/18)

5. On insecurity, and fear

Whenever someone tells me that you should not think much about how long your kidney is going to survive, I usually feel awkward because I know anyone in my place has to think once in a while how long his kidney is going to survive. If I don’t think about it, I will become reckless and lose it.
But then, when these very good people (they are extremely good, I know) show signs of insecurity to me, I feel frustrated and unhappy..
Because my insecurity is about a very real thing, it is about life and death… And I cannot be insecure if I don’t exist. Their insecurity is about things which do not exist. Their insecurity is more mental.
“Why do you feel insecure bro? Don’t you think if I had to do something, I would have done it a long time ago! Why are you continuously harassing your mind and heart and time in search of something that does not exist. I know you want to prove something, you want to prove to everyone that you are not insecure, and your insecurity has a valid ground. That is why you waste your time in creating opportunities (you use lies, you use stealth even though you comment on my stealth in public) via which you can prove that your fears are true. You want to make true that does not exist. Why can’t you understand that you are looking yourself in me? That, and it is the most important point, your insecurities about me are really your imaginations… You think about others what you are really think about yourself… That if you had been in my position you would have done the same thing which you accuse me of doing, yes accuse me….
Why can’t you understand that you are trying to ‘predict’ my actions based on your own tendencies towards life and you restlessness and your insecurities!
You might be a good person but you are weak and full of errors and you are trying to paste those errors on me. (So that you can be proved right in public. For you only public matters) You are more insecure than me… And that reduces your goodness. You are not good, believe me. You are mentally sick.”
I have seen many many insecure people in my life. Everyone is insecure in one way or another. They say that they follow the rule of goodness, that they are trying to do good. They say that they looking out for the general good. They become paramours of morality. In my opinion, they are sycophants. All their morality is a more dignified form of their fear, their insecurity… Even though they are good they are not doing good actions.
They are always fearful… More fearful than me… Who is literally living day by day…
Please act better. You are good, I know… But leave your insecurity behind. Do not torture someone just because you are insecure. Learn to be responsible for your actions…

4. On sadism, and pleasure

I have often thought about how sadism is one of the biggest sources of pleasure in today’s world. Before when there were kings and peasants, even then sadism was prevalent, but today more people live the kind of lives kings used to live in those days. But keeping the question of past and present, the thing of philosophical interest for me is: how people don’t recognize and acknowledge it as an excellent source of pleasure.
Sadism is the act of finding pleasure in other’s pain which is caused by ourselves. For example, if we know that someone gets offended or feels a certain sort of pain by being in a certain situation, then, if we are sadists, we shall unconsciously try to present in front of her various possible scenarios in which he is lacking something lack of which is causing him pain. Like for example, x used to like vanilla ice cream, and by an event (if it caused by you, your satisfaction shall be even more) he is unable to enjoy it (suppose a doctor prohibited him vanilla ice cream), then even if you personally hate vanilla ice cream, you shall make a point of eating it and posting it on social networks (not sharing with him directly, discreetness is central to sadistic pleasure. The pleasure is less if everyone understands it) so that he can see it.
You do not like vanilla. You hate eating vanilla because it feels like a piece of bullshit on your tongue. But when he sees it and reacts to it in a painful manner, you suddenly start enjoying the very shit of a bull. Not the vanilla of course… Or the picture of a place he cannot visit because his parents don’t allow him… You enjoy the pain of the person… And believe me when I say it: it is one of the purest of pleasures. It is animalistic and deadly… And while it is unethical and totally dependent on other (if he does not feel pain, you will hate every bit of vanilla and every photo of that place) it is the pleasure of being in power… A false sort of power of course… in which you are unclaimed queen of your own bullshit dreams, but it is extremely satisfying for those neurotic cases which (‘who’? No) are persistently insecure about their position in society and are unable to enjoy anything on its own value.
But again, be careful… If he realizes that you are finding pleasure in his pain, it will totally depend on him whether you are enjoying or not. And even when he is in pain, you shall ask yourself: is he faking the pain just to have some fun? And then your pleasure will be just a piece of bullshit… Be clever. Enjoy it. It is not wrong… but always remember… The reason you enjoy sadism is that you are the source of someone’s sadism. And you will be mentally healthy and less prone to insecurities, if you can enjoy a thing on its own.

3. Reflections, Art and Padmaavat

“There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all. (Wilde)

A world in which a piece of art offends someone is not a natural world. A nation in which a piece of art offends someone is an underdeveloped nation however vast and varied its infrastructure maybe.

A piece of art is representative, even if it tries to represent something imagined by the creator. But a piece of art does not represent the entire world of a particular time.

Logically speaking, if a work of art offends someone, then EVERY work of art should offend her. Then they should not be selective.

Because every work of art is revolutionary. It is subversive. It is subversive even by way of being reactionary.

If the movie padmaavat shows the navel of a woman representing a rajasthani, then a logical rajasthani should not react to it. Because it is fiction. Historical fiction is fiction. That is why there is a word added to it: fiction. (Even history is fiction, but that is going in a different direction.)

Even if you are a genius and you have a time machine and you have gone to the 13th century and found that women in those days used to hide their navels, even then you should not get offended by fiction. Because in fiction, anything can happen. And anything should happen. Else you will say you are bored. Else you will demand for a navel show.

In the same way, if in the enactment of a period drama which clearly states that it is based on 13th century, a jauhar is done. Then the creator of the fiction is not glorifying the jauhar. It is a mere enactment of a fictitious story which is made to entertain. If anything, the creator is trying to present before you an age in the history of India when women committed suicide for their dead husbands. Which seems to be the case.

We have to accept our past. Rajputs have to accept their past. Brahmins have to accept their past. Today there are NO (or rather, should not be) Brahmins or Rajputs. We are all friends on Facebook.

If you are accepting your past too much, and are currently endowing yourself with fancy jeweled clothing items before plunging yourself into fire for your husband who will die someday… then LOL.

If you see a rape scene on a movie, and then go out and try to rape the first man you find, then LOL on your sensibility.

But such things happen. Man is inherently irrational. And to make up for his own irrationality, he tries to destroy something which is nothing but harmless pieces of crap which can only be enjoyed.

If padmaavat is offending you, then Gangs of wasseypur should too. In this movie, mothers and sisters and all the holes of a human being are targeted and ravished, and not just the vagina. And if one goes into an analysis, we know our language is totally vaginal/assed up. So targeting a piece of art might be considered a folly if other more blatantly obvious things are not considered.

Art is meant to be a mirror. An ironic mirror maybe, which shows you reality in a hyper form to make you aware of it. But it is a mirror nonetheless. And like mirror, art can be contorted, smeared with oil, or simply blackened.

We are too selective in our states of offence. This tendency needs to be checked. We only get offended because of our habit. Someone gets offended when he hears a word ‘chutiya’ because not many people around her use it (while he is using an equivalent english expression ‘asshole’ every minute of her day). We may feel uneasy. But being offended and feeling uneasy are different things.

Nowadays people also get offended because it is now a fashion. Today people try so hard to be conscious of the plight of women (the so called feminists) that they find a degradation of women even in the way a painting is hung on the wall of a house.

You can feel uneasy and you can choose not to watch/read a fiction and you can even choose to raise you opinion against it, call it a tasteless work, call it pure crap… (Though, again: no piece of art is crap. Honey Singh does not create songs. He creates party beats. And that is a kind of art because there is a section of world which enjoys it.) You can do anything like that. But you should not get offended. For your own sake. Because there is something really wrong with a world which gets offended by a piece of art.

Whenever you feel like getting offended by a work of art: remember a simple thing what Wilde said: “All art is quite useless.” Which is quite true. All art is quite useless. And if you are being offended by useless things, you might be a favorite location of a wonderful illness called Piles.

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