Some of the most beautiful souls I have met in my life have spent a major crunch of their lives pandering to people who eventually died in their lives because even while they were with them, they knew that the relationship won’t run for long, and it was just a contractual kind of relationship in which the moments shared don’t matter much. And also, these beautiful souls DID NOT choose to live their lives with people they really wanted to because they were being manipulated by those “bad” persons. (I am calling them “bad” not because they are inherently bad, but because they were harmful)
And I have always wanted to ask them: Why?
Of course, for last three articles, I have been trying to understand one special point and that is: interpersonal relationships. And somehow I have realized that even though people don’t mean to, but they give more value to those people who are “useful” in their lives. Why?
Why can’t we be free of this utilitarian mindset, and live our life with the people we want to live with, share our moments we want to share with, and be free, open, extremely independent regarding our taste and preferences… and just LIVE the way we want to live?
I am still searching for the answer. And yet, I can easily claim that I never “use” people… (and perhaps that is why people are so insecure. They feel perturbed when they realize that they are not being used!) and I live with people who matter most to me, even though I am not DIRECTLY sharing memories with them… but I always feel that I am living an authentic life… and others who are more normal, and who “WASTE” their lives pandering to fear and utilitarianism and giving into the bullshit of other people who actually don’t matter to them… are leading lives that are less authentic.
Am I right?
I don’t think anyone can explain me, because even if it is painful at times, but absent memories with those I care and love are more important to me that the present memories with snaps of people that have come and gone…