5. On insecurity, and fear

Whenever someone tells me that you should not think much about how long your kidney is going to survive, I usually feel awkward because I know anyone in my place has to think once in a while how long his kidney is going to survive. If I don’t think about it, I will become reckless and lose it.
But then, when these very good people (they are extremely good, I know) show signs of insecurity to me, I feel frustrated and unhappy..
Because my insecurity is about a very real thing, it is about life and death… And I cannot be insecure if I don’t exist. Their insecurity is about things which do not exist. Their insecurity is more mental.
“Why do you feel insecure bro? Don’t you think if I had to do something, I would have done it a long time ago! Why are you continuously harassing your mind and heart and time in search of something that does not exist. I know you want to prove something, you want to prove to everyone that you are not insecure, and your insecurity has a valid ground. That is why you waste your time in creating opportunities (you use lies, you use stealth even though you comment on my stealth in public) via which you can prove that your fears are true. You want to make true that does not exist. Why can’t you understand that you are looking yourself in me? That, and it is the most important point, your insecurities about me are really your imaginations… You think about others what you are really think about yourself… That if you had been in my position you would have done the same thing which you accuse me of doing, yes accuse me….
Why can’t you understand that you are trying to ‘predict’ my actions based on your own tendencies towards life and you restlessness and your insecurities!
You might be a good person but you are weak and full of errors and you are trying to paste those errors on me. (So that you can be proved right in public. For you only public matters) You are more insecure than me… And that reduces your goodness. You are not good, believe me. You are mentally sick.”
I have seen many many insecure people in my life. Everyone is insecure in one way or another. They say that they follow the rule of goodness, that they are trying to do good. They say that they looking out for the general good. They become paramours of morality. In my opinion, they are sycophants. All their morality is a more dignified form of their fear, their insecurity… Even though they are good they are not doing good actions.
They are always fearful… More fearful than me… Who is literally living day by day…
Please act better. You are good, I know… But leave your insecurity behind. Do not torture someone just because you are insecure. Learn to be responsible for your actions…

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